Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Faulty Item

Do you ever feel like people look down on people whose parents have split up. I do. My parents have split up, I was 8 and I don't really remember a lot of it only the really bad parts. I remember coming home to a mum with a black eye and a hole in her bedroom door, I remember being taken out of my room because my 'Dad' needed it to store all the stuff that he felt was rightfully his. This included every single picture in the house, the sofas, the television, anything that looked nice. That's not the point, the point is I feel different than those who have parents that are together. I feel more determined to get married to someone I really want, to stand up for myself and to never let anyone walk all over me. I am offended easily but sometimes I really feel like people are looking down on me, I remember a member of my boyfriend's family sitting next to me and saying "It would never have worked with (insert daughter's name) and her boyfriend anyway because he comes from a broken home and she doesn't". Are you fucking kidding me? I sat and said nothing but now I wish I had argued my point, just because your parents split up it doesn't mean you're damaged or broken. Sorry but I have a Step dad and he is the only male role model I've ever had, I wish he was my biological Dad because he does such a better job of it, but even so I must be not as good as someone whose parents are together? No. That's wrong and everyone knows it is. My family are not the most together of people, we don't always see each other and we're not all playing happy familes but we're all happy and we don't think we're better than anyone else.

I was the only person in my year at primary school who had parents going through a divorce and then another girl's parents did the same and I remember the head teacher forcing us together to 'talk' about how we felt. I was 8 years old I had no idea what was going on and in all honesty it didn't really affect me that much, I saw that without my Dad my Mum was so much happier and that's all I wanted, I had always been a Mummy's girl and if she was happy I was. The only way that their divorce affected me was that then I started to see what my Dad was really like, he continued to disappoint me and he still does every day.


Nash said...

This is a really personal, really inspirational post. You should have stood up for yourself when that family member was belittling you because what happens in your past makes you stronger not broken. I can't compare because I don't know but you're an incredible person to just be able to write this. Thank you and please never change!

Nicolle Ruby said...

Thank you, I should have said something but I didn't want to upset my boyfriend, I know he would want to defend me but would feel awkward because it's his family. Next time I'm opening my mouth!;)

BlushCrush ♥ said...

Nicolle I'm 25 and my parents split up when I was one and my brother and sister (who are twins) were 8. At that time broken homes carried a real stigma and the fact that it was my Dad who was raising us, always seemed to shock people.
I actually enjoyed coming from a unique situation as a child, as I liked how put out the teachers were when I made my Dad a card for Mother's Day :oD and my family compensated for my mother's absence with so much love. However, I think it has only really hit home for me in the last year or so, how, like you; I feel people are quick to judge broken homes.
Having said that I am determined to only ever marry or have children with someone who I believe I can be happy with forever, and perhaps it makes me a hypocrite, but I would be heartbroken if I had to raise my children in a broken home - not because of preconceived ideas, but because I saw just how hard each and every day was for my dad, working and caring for us.
I haven't seen my mum in 21 years, yet she treated my Dad very badly, so in some small way, I understand a little of what you've gone through; and I only hope you can see that your father's absence is truly his loss - however cliched that may sound.
Your mum sounds like a star by the way, such an amazing woman!
Great post lovey x